We are heading off for our annual Carlson/Teeter beach trip at Ocean Isle Beach and with 14 adults, a rambuctious toddler and two babies it’s undoubtedly bound to be loud and chaotic.
So, in preparation, I sent the following email to everyone in hopes to make the “Brady Daily Routine” run smoothly amongst the bedlam. I thought I’d share with you all so you get a taste of what the past 12 weeks home with him have been like, and why I haven’t been posting much :). Enjoy.
Start stretching and get your rest now, folks. Wildman is going to run our ship and there’s a job for everyone. Choose your task below.
1) Wake-Up Duty
Supplies needed: NutriGrain bars, sippy cup, remote control and bandaids.
Clock-in at 6:24am on the dot. Forget putting on a pot of coffee or catching up on morning news. This task will immediately consist of the following:
- Fetching a “bah-bar” (breakfast bar) and “milt” (milk) as fast as you can. The longer you linger, the louder “BAH-BAR!!” and “MILT” get.
- To prevent the demands from reaching a “wake the whole house” noise level, you rush around the kitchen causing a stubbed toe and a four-letter word, sending Brady into 5 minutes of hysterical laughter and a full day of said four-letter word on repeat.
- Once you deliver breakfast to his highness, get your remote control lightning fingers ready because he expects “Dogs” (Paw Patrol) to be already loading. Once you see the opening credits you may feel a brief moment of relief but THINK AGAIN. HOW DARE YOU not realize while he was sipping his “milt” that he’d changed his mind to “Bubbles” (Bubble Guppies). You’ve done it now. The whole house is awake.
Suggested person for the job: Bethy. She’s an early riser and in the most shape which will allow her to be alert and nimble.
2) Diaper Changes
Supplies needed: helmet, gas mask, knee/elbow pads and quick wit.
Once 14 episodes of “Dogs” and “Bubbles” have been watched, you MIGHT be able to convince Brady he needs to be changed out of his nighttime diaper. Of course, this can’t be done before everyone gets the infamous “Diaper Shake” perfomance. Basically, it’s a small bounce that slings the 24lbs of pee back and forth between his legs. Bring your dolla billz.
- Ok. Diaper Shake’s a wrap and after 3 minutes of a WWE match you’ve bribed him with another “bah-bar” to get the new diaper on. Nice work!
- The kid drinks 64 oz of water/apple juice a day so you’ll complete this task about 13 times (plus 2 bonus #2 diapers) on a daily basis. Start brainstorming your bribing techniques now.
3) Bath Time
Supplies needed: helmet, 3 cups 3 washcloths and 2 towels (one for you)
You must be very excited and enthusiastic about “Let’s go take a tubby!” or you’re doomed from the beginning.
- Brady does not sit in the tub, it’s standing room only, so one arm will constantly be on ER visit prevention.
- His favorite “tubby” pastime is throwing all his toys as high as he can, inevitably each one landing on the top of your head.
- Everything you have (wash cloth, cup, shampoo etc) will automatically be “mine!” and yanked from your hand - I suggest 2 of each (at least) so you don’t run out of tools for the job. When he has the cup, half the bath water will end up on you and the bathroom floor (wet floor caution sign provided).
Dry Brady and yourself off. Congrats, you’re done. Now go take a nap.
4) Bed Time
Supplies needed: toothbrush, toothpaste, iPad, noise machine, turtle, seahorse, monkey, bunny lovey and the blue blanket. Oh, and wine.
He’s going through a bug phase. He hasn’t decided if he’s fascinated or terrified but we use it to our advantage.
- Once he’s sucked all the “pay-paste” (toothpaste) off the “eeee” (toothbrush) tell him you need to get the “sugar bugs” out of his teeth and he MIGHT cooperate. You must rinse them down the drain while saying “byyyyye sugar bugs!”
- No need to turn the iPad on or find his favorite app. The kid’s got navigating technology devices down. You tell him there’s time for 1 show. 27 minutes later you realize the rascall’s manipulated you into watching 5 episodes of ”Foff” (Sophia the First - yes, a princess show). Dangit, outsmarted by a 2 year old for the 44th time today.
- You pretend the iPad is out of battery and turn on the “rain” setting of the noise machine. Then the turtle that shines “moonstars” on the ceiling. Make sure he has “Hop” (bunny lovey), the red monkey and “neigh” (seahorse) all in bed with him, cover him up with the blue blanket, quick kiss and goodnight.
- Yeah RIGHT. It ain’t that easy mah friend. You get downstairs, turn on the monitor to find him shrieking “ah-ah! ah-ah!” You go upstairs to find that red monkey has fallen out of bed (within his reach) but you need to get it for him.
- As you are shutting his door, he yells “brrrr toes! brrrr toes!” You walk back over to find he’s kicked the blue blanket off and needs you to tuck him back in.
- Head back downstairs, while turning OFF the monitor, and enjoy yourself a glass or 4 of wine. But don’t over do it, you’re on call. It’s possible this task will need to be repeated at 2am.
So, who’s ready to do it all again tomorrow?